Conflict in Communication between Teenagers and Parents and Learning How to Build Stronger Relationships
The purpose of this paper is to determine the conflicts of parent/teenager communication and to develop a b better understanding from parents’ standpoint. Teenage years can be difficult for many families. Because I can personally relate to this situation I would like to analyze the relationship of my oldest, Derek (13), my husband, and me.
There are many conflicts in communication that arise through the raising of a teenager. Even with the best intentions, parental nagging, criticisms (constructive/non- constructive) and harsh language end up as roadblocks for a good parent/child relationship. At this time young people are developing ideas, values, and beliefs that may be different than parents. This is an example of the separation process. It is normal and healthy for a teen to distance themselves from parents and family in order to gain their own individuality. Communication becomes broken down and self-image changes through this natural stage. A time of Differentiation and Experimentation is where teenagers are trying new individual images. Often as parents, we do not agree with some of these choices, but it is a vital time to these young adults to grow and learn. This may also lead to opposition which is the process of challenging parental authority. Both parties disagree about what is acceptable, fair, good, or bad. Disagreement can easily become a way of life.
Good communication is vital for strong relationships between parents and adolescents. In effective communication there are hurdles and roadblocks that are crucial to avoid. For instance nagging, yelling, and fighting can rapidly deteriorate the conversation. Trying to force compliance makes the party feel under attack and on the defensive. When communicating try to listen to your teenager efficiently and now how to talk so that your teenager will listen.
This analysis describes communication skills that I can use to build closeness in my relationship with my teenager and effectively negotiate many important issues that can later arise.
Listen, really listen when they talk. Appreciate that your teenager has a different world view. Don’t assume or mind read. Just listen. Pay attention and listen respectfully. Encourage verbal conversations on their part. Open-ended questions are helpful for reciprocation. Be- Mindful and think of their position. Reflect on your responses to show that you are involved in what they have to say. It is always a good thing to check for accuracy of the situation. That way you understand all of the information given before you make a rash decision that involves more conflict.
When talking there are certain things that should be avoidable in order to obtain good communication. One example is side tracking; stay on the focus of the conversation. Bringing up the past can harm any future solutions if you look like you are harboring resentment. Blaming is also a destructive entity in any conversation. Understanding what someone is saying is the necessary focus, not who is at fault. Character assassination can cripple the self-image of a young person. It never benefits any party by calling your teenager names or questioning his character. Mind reading is the harmful assumptions that block further communication. By overgeneralizing the situation and using terms to exaggerate and make your teenager feel unappreciated and low self-worth.
Talking effectively is a huge step in good communication with your relationships. It is important to be clear. Express your ideas and feelings in a clear and concise way. Try to be respectful; your teenager is more likely to hear, understand, and act on your message when you show equal and mutual respect. Why not make the most of everyday interaction, with this approach casual conversation during the day help to give the opportunity to listen and talk. Plan and prepare for challenging conversations I would have to say is the hardest hurdle for me yet. Practicing this skill can keep a calm setting for you and your teenager. It gives you an advantage of looking at the big picture from all angles so you resolve touchy subjects with a clear mind. Softening the message can definitely help its impact. Remember to be polite to his needs; it is always a great start to begin with positives. Try to keep the message brief and simple. Take responsibility it show a great example to your growing adult. Don’t be afraid to share your own feelings on the matter and long as it doesn’t offend them.
I have learned through this analysis to remember that not too long ago we all went through a similar journey of being an independent adult. I have to also keep in mind that what my child might do doesn’t necessarily always have to be about me. They are not trying to deliberately hurt me, but are in a learning process and right now I can try and guide them the best that I can. But hope that I did a good job of raising them to make the right decisions themselves.
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Larson, Brett, Katherine C. Coy, and Andrew W. Collins. “Child Development Journal; “Reconsidering Changes in Parent-Child Conflict across Adolescence: A Meta-Analysis.” June 1998. Web. 7 Oct. 2011.
Pickhardt, Carl E. “”Why Good Kids Act Cruel: The Hidden Truth about the Pre-Teen Years”” 2010. Web. 7 Oct. 2011