Ruby Alvarez
9/16/2013
English 101 / Ms. Drew
Essay # – Personal Narrative
My unexpected love
Sometimes we come across a person who changes our whole perspective of life for better or worse. My was when I meet this guy and felt that spark when you meet that someone that could be “the one”.As I sat with my closest friend Andrea on our routine of going to Starbucks one Saturday evening, the suspense at the table didn’t go unnoticed. Prior to our meeting, I had mentioned that I had some news to share. As the words tumbled from my mouth, she gave me ‘the look’.
“The guy that I am dating has a child” “He has what?” Andrea asked. “As in a product of him?” she added dryly. “Yes,” I answered, sheepishly. I knew exactly what she were thinking, as I spoke about my new found love interest and what went on on our first date , and him busing the file that he had a kid. Wasn’t I the same person who vowed to never date a man with a child? Alas, I admit, those were my exact words, but those words were also spoken by a much younger and not so much wiser version of myself. I have learned through maturity and life’s little lessons, that limiting yourself or options because of the checklist of the perfect man or ideal relationship you have etched in your mind doesn’t actually prove to be realistic. But while it isn’t the ideal situation for me, is dating a guy with a child really all that bad? It doesn’t have to be, of course. It very well depends on the man, and how serious he is about getting into a committed relationship. But getting to know him is what matters, right? When my guy mentioned that he had a child, I admit that the fear factor did set in. You know the one involving the mother. Yes the other woman; the ex who will always be present in both of our lives.
So I had to ask myself. Was this really worth getting into? Was he really worth it? There are other men who are single, childless and worth getting to know. Eh… I was up for the challenge, and decided to give it shot. Obviously, there are several issues that came across towards me with someone that has a child. Will he put me first? Do I think I’ll get jealous when I have to share him, and can’t throw a tantrum because I’ll ‘look bad’ for being jealous of his child? Will my plans get rescheduled at the last minute, because something came up with his child or because of a situation with the other parent? Will I have to deal with the ‘chile mother’? Can my significant other manage any possible drama? What about keeping two women happy? You know, trying to pacify the mother so his relationship with his child isn’t affected, and keeping me comfortable. And let’s be real, what about feeling secure about my relationship when I see him with her and their child, looking like a happy family unit? Having to deal with the ‘chile mother’ may not be my cup of tea, but this is one of the things I may have to do while I’m dating this guy. Having only exchanged brief, common courtesies via phone with my guy’s ex, I can say that it is necessary for me to be cordial in this situation, because I’ll be interacting with her child as well.
In my case, we haven’t really had any tension thus far. All women aren’t the same and not every ex will bring drama or real ‘tote’ because of her child present relationship. These women, however, do happen to be a minority. Fact is there are many people out there who have a child with their ex. It is a reality that single people have to face. Coming to terms with it depends on what the single (and childless) individual is willing to accept, all in the name of love and finding ‘the one’. Based on my experience, I’ll say that being open minded to a situation like this can be rewarding. I could actually find a great person who shares common interests, goals and views with me. My guy possesses the main characteristics I usually go for, smart, sensitive, ambitious etc. I also get to witness the type of dad he really is, and he handles his role and responsibilities as a father well. He is absolutely in love with his child, and that makes him even more attractive to me. Seeing a man love and care for his child genuinely is a beautiful thing. I bear in mind that dating someone with a child would initially lead to me meeting the child, and having to build a relationship with her, not to mention gaining her trust as well.
Now it may seem rather funny, but I’ll admit that I was highly nervous the first time I met my guy’s daughter. Of course, I was also nervous that my guy would analyze me. Hell yes! But I wasn’t trying to overly impress him. I was more nervous about meeting his child. Would the kid like me? Would I be accepted? Somehow I felt I had to impress the kid. I remember thinking, “Please don’t cry if I hold your hand”. Receiving the biggest smile was my ice breaker. It was done. Sealed. The kid was smitten. Still, it was a great relief to have taken that step. See another thing with dating him is something even more special is added to the relationship, as guy guy would have to trust me to take such a big step in introducing me to his prized possession, and it’s often a good sign that he takes me seriously. Seeing my man with his child does give me an inclination of the type of father he makes, and females – me included – tend to look for that particular quality when choosing our mates. Possessing the ideal qualities is what would make the final deal in him becoming a potential husband. So does this make a man with a child more marriage worthy? Does having a child mean that he is even more ready for long-term commitment, even with the extra baggage? He just might be.
While, on my end, there is no talk of running down an aisle anytime soon, as the relationship progresses, who knows what may happen. While I’ll looked for stability in relationships, dating someone who has a child shouldn’t pose a threat. It’s all about building that relationship on the basics, as I would any other, with love, trust, understanding, and commitment, among other things. Naturally, there would be hiccups; when disagreements occurred between the exes, this stressed out my guy, which in turn affected us, but we worked it out. In this type of relationship, things can also become even more complicated than they already are, so communication is the key.There will be many challenges and the occasional stress factors involved, but if he’s really worth getting to know, why not take a chance at something different? Like I said, many more single people have children now, and, while some people have strict rules about wanting someone, who may be like them, single and childless, dating a single parent isn’t akin to the plague. All I need to do is take a deep breath, and make sure I can handle all the other variables that come along with this relationship and hope for the best for both of us and who knows my future daughter.