Are you a man? Have you ever dealt with the issue of losing or being in the process of losing a child in which you took part in making? It’s difficult to truthfully answer these questions if you ” re not a man and if you haven’t experienced abortion first hand. January 22, 1973 marked the beginning of a moral and political revolution in this country that would forever change many lives 1. The landmark decision ruled constitutional by the Supreme Court to legalize abortion with unrestricted procedures would profoundly affect women and men’s lives. But the American society forgot half of the population that would be traumatized by this experience, just because they were men. Throughout the limited information available on this topic it was clearly evident that men do suffer both emotional and physical symptoms due to a personal abortion.
Abortion is considered an inhuman procedure according to pro-life activists, but if it’s the only option a female is willing to take to correct a mistake then it’s a decision that needs to involve both sides that created the “problem.” When the decision comes down to abortion, where are the rights of the father? The way the law functions is that the father has no legal say in what happens to his unborn child. He is denied any rights to defend his child he cannot say one word about the continued existence of his child in the womb. The Supreme Court’s decision literally stripped the father of all his parental rights regarding his own flesh and blood during the first nine months of his son or daughter’s life. Only at birth can he engage in the child’s life and have full rights along with obligations granted to him.
How is it that the courts paved the way for women to dispose of a fetus if they want to with nothing stopping them because it’s their body? Yet the men that helped create this new being has no say in what could or should happen with the life of the unborn! As many as 600, 000 males annually, from all walks of life “do time” in the waiting rooms of the nation’s five hundred or so abortion clinics 2. They are expected to sit and wait until it’s okay to visit their significant other in the recovery room or time to leave. And no one ever thinks ‘how does he feel about the abortion’?’ or ‘was there a factor that motivated him to take part in this decision?’ How does that waiting room man feel? Was there an honest reasoning for him being there? After the abortion was completed and there was noting that could be done did these questions start to appear, years later around the early nineteen nineties that is. When asked how many would have preferred to accompany their lovers through the procedure or into the recovery room an unpredictable 69% and 91% answered in affirmative; yet hardly any of the thousands of men sampled for a survey on abortion had this option 3. This was considered such a surprising statement because in accordance with the traditional views of masculinity, boys, from infancy, are generally socialized to avoid becoming or exhibiting roles or behaviors associated with femininity. Masculinity is traditionally defined in terms of instrumentality / activity, aggressivity, male-male competition, power-over, individuality and control of affect 4.
Beyond being responsible for keeping an extraordinary confidence endorsing their lover’s resolution and bolstering her confidence in that choice, the men felt obligated to pretend they were someone else. That is, many men took full responsibility for their own doubts, hesitations, uncertainties and even painful opposing thoughts. They hid all this from everyone especially their partners 5. Sixty- eight percent of the thousand men sampled disagreed with the statement that males involved in an abortion generally have an easy time of it 6. So how do men feel, they are equally nervous as a women undergoing the procedure for the first time and they o have an honest reason for being in that waiting room, they care. ‘This might seem kind of corny, but sometimes I’ll be thinking, was it a boy or a girl? Hell, if it was a boy I could have taught him a whole lot of stuff…
shoot, I can think about a trash compactor somewhere, and there’s my little baby getting all smashed up… A statement made by an unmarried 22-year-old, blue-collar worker 7. This is an example of the primary symptom a male goes through grief. To say that a man cries, for some people is like stating that cats and dogs actually do rain form the sky. It’s something that is looked at as being impossible. Why, just because those tears are coming from a male? Because it goes completely against the social stereotype of what a man does when he is impacted by something of such magnitude? Anger and frustration can be held accountable for some of the physical side affects that are observed in men after an abortion.
These feelings manifest themselves in various ways depending on the mental stage of the male dealing with the issue. It’s been reported that men often turn to alcohol and drugs to dull the pain of the knowledge he participated in or was too “weak” to prevent the death of his unborn baby 8. Wherever unresolved guilt and anger are present in a household, the likelihood of violence toward one’s spouse is another approach that men take. The domestic violence is near openly associated with the abortion that took place a few weeks or even months ago. Another issue is usually stated for the reason for the violence. With extensive questioning and research the correlation between abortion and the violence for the most part go hand in hand.
That is why relation failure after an abortion is so common. Another symptom that could affect a male is the experimentation with homosexuality. This new way of life would allow them to have a successful sexual relationship with no commitment and no worry of pregnancy. Some but not an overwhelming percentage of men reported to have converted to this new form of life.
The amount of control that a women has over the decision to abort their baby impacts the man so much that considerable resentment and mistrust towards women leads to him to explore same sex relationships. Other actions that are not so noticeable and drastic are panic attacks, poor coping skills, flashbacks, nightmares or self-imposed isolation. Sleeplessness and inability to hold a job due to poor decision-making are other symptoms. Sometimes he may experience opposite symptoms such as becoming an excessive risk-taker in work and social environments, setting himself up for failure. These feeling may occur due to self-resentment because he feels that he deserves what he gets for being a loser and failing to protect his unborn baby. These are all feelings that have to be dealt with professional attention.
It was not until around 1994 when the awareness of men and abortion started to pick up. Clinics started to offer more counseling and more information for the male to know before and after an abortion took place. The need for healing is a process that requires the male to come to his senses and admit to himself and to the public that he needs help. The most effective method is talking to someone that has gone through this ordeal. The healing begins when tears come down. This action breaks the silence that is misinterpreted by certain women, as indicating the male has no feelings.
This is a sign that shows how hurt the man is and allows him to get rid of stored feelings that could be debilitating his life. Many men return to, or discovered his religious faith. Allowing him to bring a sense of joy and knowing he has complete, divine forgiveness. Whatever positive approach the male takes to curing his broken heart it will make a difference in the years to come. “Abortion is a far greater dilemma for men than researchers, counselors- and women- have even begun to realize. Men of all ethnic backgrounds, ages, and socioeconomic levels have trouble dealing with abortion- and sometimes more trouble than women have.
Unable to bear children themselves and powerless to prevent their partners from terminating a pregnancy, men who care are the silent sufferers, bewildered and frustrated by their emotional responses… 9.” The whole process that takes place in order to abort a baby is life changing and should be dealt with honest and intelligent feelings. A women and man should communicate on the matter and decide what is best for the both of them. It took to conceive it should take two to decide the future of the unborn and that of the adults involved. “A fertile women can decide to have a baby almost anytime she wants. A man cannot 10.” He needs to be involved..