The subject of infidelity is a frightening one to me. I have only been unfaithful once, but I remember it vividly. The thought that I could do something like that to a person that I cared about is depressing. Although I can clearly depict how bad cheating made me feel, I cannot explain why I did it. The best reason that I have been able to come up with is physical pleasure. The idea that I could betray somebody that I loved troubles me, but even more troubling is the prospect of infidelity in my own marriage.
As a twenty-year-old, it is hard to imagine spending fifty years with only one person. I want to commit myself and have a family, but I worry that I might make a stupid mistake and tarnish a hopefully wonderful relationship. These worries have prompted me to investigate the reasons that men decide to have extra-marital sex. Although most research points to the idea that while women enter affairs for emotional reasons, men have extramarital sex for purely sexual reasons, I have concluded that a large part of a mans desire to be unfaithful results from emotional causes as well. Gender-Based Differences According to Cathy Young, gender differences in sexual attitudes and behavior are much more dramatic than in virtually any other area. Men cheat on their wives at much more alarming rates than women cheat on husbands. More than half of all men are suspected of cheating on their wives at some point in their relationships. Most theorists suggest that the reason men tend to cheat more lies in a fundamental difference between the sexes.
This difference can be manifested in a number of ways, including in attitude towards the whole sexual experience. Whereas most women tend to view sex as an aspect of love and emotional intimacy men tend to see it in the same way they see going out with the boys and having a few beers as a way to have a good time. Some theorists suggest the idea that men in our society generally draw a sharp distinction between physical sex and emotional love, whereas most women do not draw such a distinction; for them physical sex and emotional love are the same thing. The question of whether these sex differences are genetically or societal-induced is not important for this paper. What does matter, however, is that gender differences appear repeatedly in studies on infidelity. It is undeniable that men cheat much more often than women do. However, while it is true that men cheat for more physical reasons, it is possible that somewhere within the physical pleasure exists an emotional reason for infidelity.
If physical pleasure was all that was at stake, then ideally masturbation would eliminate the compulsion to cheat. Unfortunately, this isnt true. Perhaps the important thing isnt that men dont confuse sex and love, but rather that the physical aspects of lovemaking offer a different meaning to men. While intimacy might be a deeply emotional experience for women (and many men), perhaps the greatest reason that men search for numerous sexual partners is for some sort of personal justification or validation. Myths About Infidelity Many people assume that the reason for cheating is based on a general unhappiness in marriage. In her book How to Keep Your Man Monogamous, Alexandra Penney wrote that it is the womans responsibility to keep her husband from straying.
If he has an affair, she must somehow be at fault. This is not the case. The problem emerges when people begin believing that this is true. In a study administered by Lewis Yablonsky, it was discovered that although about eighty percent of men evaluate their marriage as excellent or good, half of them participate in extra-sexual activity. We can infer from this that a mans general dissatisfaction with his marriage is not the only reason for extra-sexual behavior. Yablonsky goes on to explain that a mans personal sexual attitudes and compulsions are the highly significant reasons for his acting out extra-sexually. The Specific Reasons Why Although it is impossible to describe every reason that a man might decide to cheat on a woman, there are many general categories into which most men fit. The Misguided Romantic According to Michael Corey, the Misguided Romantic is the most common personality type among male cheaters.
This type of man is in a constant search for the image of the perfect woman that he has created inside of his head. This man falls in love with someone who he thinks most closely resembles his idea of the ideal woman. However, with time, his perceptions of this woman, and his beliefs about the ideal woman begin to shift. On a sort of biological quest to discover his mythical woman, the man mentally abandons his loved one and searches for an extra-marital companion. The underlying issues for this type of person include a poor sense of self-esteem and general unhappiness with ones character. The Disobedient One A man with this profile has disobedient roots that go back to his childhood.
This type of person enjoys breaking the rules for the fun, which naturally accompanies the forbidden activity. In this case, the extra-marital sex would not be malicious. This behavior with his wife is a result of the perception of a mother-son relationship with a wife. This is usually a result of some sort of unfulfilled emotional connection in childhood. This type of cheater is looking for closure on a negative relationship. The Vengeful Cheater This type of cheater is probably the most intentionally harmful cheating profile. This person cheats specifically to hurt or get-back at a wife or girlfriend.
This type of cheater is significant, because he deliberates chooses to cheat so that he can hurt his woman at the point where she is most vulnerable. This is in stark contrast to the other cheating profiles that usually are indicative of some sort of powerful inner compulsion that they cannot help. However, this kind of cheater usually has deep psychological problems that are best treated by a psychologist. The Bored Husband The bored husband is another common type of cheater. This type is unfaithful solely because he has become bored with his day-to-day routine. Even though he loves his wife and kids, he frantically searches for something new in his life. This can also be a result of a mid-life crisis or even low self-esteem.
This type of cheater is generally searching for a confidence booster. The Sex Fiend This type of person cheats to satisfy their insatiable appetite for sex. This personality has become addicted to sexual acts as his primary source of pleasure in life. This obsession with sex often leads the troubled person to seek a more radical method of achieving gratification, such as orgies, sadomasochism and infidelity. The Opportunist This personality type chooses to pursue sexual relationships with women simply because they are available. He isnt obsessed with sex, but rather with sexual opportunity.
This type of person is so caught up with the idea of a challenge that they will often attempt to obtain the most unavailable, and hence the most challenging, women. This cause often has its r ….